Evelyn Tan

upon steppin in
i went straight to the bed..
so many thots went through my mind..
i wanted to cried it all out
but i realise
after all thoes nights
all those tears
soaking pillow case
i m left wif no more..

i really didnt wad to get angry
i really dun wanna talk abt this when u are alreadi so sad
i noe i m mean
but i can't hold on to sth
tat is not workin out at all
i guess we are done

but i guess i dun mean anythin to u
i m sorry
i can't console u at all
i can't do anythin when u are down
i m good for nothin
i m onli capable of being angry wif u
i guess u are irritated wif me abt tat

was talkin to my dearest gf,rara,my best buddy the onli one i could confide in.i cant imagine my life without her.thanks lots dear.

its been all so screwed up
each dae it jus gets worst
i tried askin myself
the problems lies wif me?
i thot it does
i tried finding reasons
tat its me
i gues its me

yest six am
once again
i was glad.
i was happy
i was on cloud nine.
i was god darn happy.
tat u picked me up form the bus-stop..

i tot there was hope
i really tot there was
tat u still love me
like u always do.....

we had breakfast.we rest.we had a nice nap.till noon.but den again when i was awake u werent.i was lonely.u jus allow me to go alone....i told u i was bored.u didnt care.i was really sad..i wanted to leave almost immediately.u dun need me around anymore.u dun wan me to bother u i guess..u did do the usual.hug me and not let me go.but u still wan to sleep.. why do i always have to leave den u would stop me.. why. u asked me " sleep u oso not happy?" alright den if u wanna sleep den u allow me to go back and get my books going.. i got over tat myself. u noe nothin abt it. i guess if i were to be mad again. u had be irritated by who i m .. and ask " why u angry AGAIN.. over this?"

todae.i made the effort. i forgo the train. i wanted to send u half way at least. i wanted to see u. i noe u wouldnt want me to be late. but do u understand me? do u appreciate wad i tried doin for u at all? infact u noe how much it hurts when u said "wadever" i felt i was doin so much for nothin at all. again u safed the dae wif a simple hug...after paper i rushed down.it was pouring like crazy out there. u had no idea how drenched i was inside. the wind was strong. i almost slip and fall running in the rain.i tried my best.i wanted to run across.form the bus stoop to the stadium but it had be crazy i had reach the stadium soaked throughly. i took a cab for u. i could have jolly well waited at lot one and not come at all.do u noe how much u meant to me?how much it takes for me to do all those?my foot is full of blisters after running in the rain.u never asked me if i was fine.i was jus not feelin well last week...u dun noe anythin.u dun ask anythin.u dun care anythin abt me..i was not jokin when i said i was gonna get blow away..i had no more energy left after the massage u ask for yest...it was all crazy of me.i took a day off my job jus to rest my arms so i could write properly todae, but instead i used all my energy to massage u. u said it like it was all easy to rub and push, i let no sound of complain....do u noe how much u meant in my heart?i guess not. i couldn't write well in the exam hall jus now.but thank god i finished it in time.. u noe nothin.... nothin at all!u asked nothin abt me. if i alright after being drenched. i noe u were sad over the placing of urs. but i m ur gf.. why didnt u share wif me? when i asked u if u were fine. u jus said yes.. well i guess u dun need me around at all. ur friends could do the job of cheering u up better den i do..

i didn't mean to say ur face was irritating
but u were askin nonsense question
i was serioius abt the breakup
i was laughin to myself
why am i so silly to do all this
for nothin
for someone tat takes it so easily
and was laughin or takin it as a joke even thot i was meaning business..
he did send me to my area
but left
i was sad he did
somethings in my heart quenched

but den again
his motive of askin me to his place.
so he could sleep and i could study?
this is was so called love me more after all this has end??
this is wad so called as wad i deserve?
i thot u would call
i thot u would msg
i still hold some hope of u calling

but none happen
i guess
wad needs to come
should always come
no point hangin when it
doesnt work out

it will never work out
i guess
u think i always get angry over some things
i noe u dun like it
i try not being
but why not spare a thot forme
u think i let the feelin of being mad
i dunno why things can be so different last time and noww?/
perhaps i have change
perhaps u..
i have no idea wad happen
i guess things jus dun work out.....
the way we hope it will

those memories
always kept in my heart.....


i dun thinkk it had ever come back anymore...