Evelyn Tan

This will be a blog unpublished.

its been eight months.time flies really fast i must say. this was a story i once thot it had remain as a fairytale forever and ever. everything started so well. its so so sweet. so in love everydae

three years back noticed him. i guess it was a wrong start right form the beginning den. he stood out of the crowd. it was love at first sight i guess. everyday in my sec three life i would be looking forward to a new day. a new start. many will ask why. the reason is jus to catch a glimpse of him. at the mrt station.very quickly this year ended. i thot i was never gonna see him again. as i knew and sorta guessed he was in sec four.

in sec four i was forced to go to school early.anyone tat knows me back den will know tat i m either jus on time for time or late..but i was forced to attend councilor meeting tat's why i had to go to sch early. i guess it was fate allow me to see him again in the station. it was den tat i found my motivation to wake up early and go to school. at times i will run jus to catch tat train so tat i can get to have a glimpse of him. thats how i start my day right. times i manage to catch the train but he wasn;t there. i will be sad. times when i get to see him. while goin up the escalator i will turn back jus to catch another glimpse of him(menx i miss those times.heartaches right now as i type this)

months later i went to his sch funfair.back before this i actually figured tat he had a gf. but i jus wouldn't accept this fact. i had nothin but to give up every single thot of fantasy after tat faitful day. i saw him holdin the wasit of another gurl. well wad else can i sae. it must be hiis gf. another thing tat left a deep impression on me was the cut on his wrist. it was deep and obvious.it was jus so not my day after this day.

i thot this was where the so called fate must end. but i guess it was not where it end. its a sad story on his side where he ended his two years plus relationship. he decide to write a letter to me and past it to me two days before my bdae.i thot it was indeed a gift from lord above.it was the best bdae gift ever(shit right now i seriously feel like tearing).it was 2nd sep. i rmb tat day so clearly. two months later its where our relationship started.2nd nov.

before we got together.there were jus so many things to talk about.on msn.it was really none stop.we talk on the phone..long hours..we msg everydae.there was jus so much to talk.i could read his mind and so does he.we got along together so well. even jus walking together in fairprice alone was so much fun.miss each other every day.jus not seeing him for one dae would kill me( yes it still does now but i doubt the same is for him now..well he said he was strong and a easy goin person tat's why he dun feel tat way anymore) each day not seeing him jus gives me heartaches. he had feel the same as well. there was no one single min we wan to spend without each other. the first thing when we wake up.we will msg each other. cos he is the first thing tat comes to my mind. and the moment i m wide awake again.i miss him like crazy. i m still right now..sigh.. why are things jus not the same anymore.everyday we will have a little note for each other on our blogs. each day we jus love each other even more. even deeper. the importance of him grew everyday

before the offcial start. there were jus so many sweet incidents. waking up in the morning for a fresh morning run. we ran form tiong barhu to tanling area.. it was jus a run through and fro but we were so contented so happy. though we were both tried the day before but we both wake up jus to see each other in the morning. we wouldn't together yet. but it was so sweet back den still. resting in the park. chatting. sweet momeries

once we talked for more den an hour on the phone.it was record breakin for him.he said he never had so much to talk abt before.but we did..if it wasnt becos we were both hungry we wouldnt hang up the phone.but we jus couldnt get the most out of each other.we decided to meet again after the call. jus to talk a short walk at the ntuc near by though it was a lousy location but we till made the best out of it. we still enjoyed ourself to the fullest. ( we nvr did tat again after we got together..phone calls never came in form him for long chats..unless we quaralle..solwly even msges grow shorter and lesser) sigh i rmb u once said u wish tat there is so much for us to talk abt and it had never end.but i guess its impossible right now.

these memories so near yet so far. i noe and i m sorry for the hard times i gave u. i had veri little trust and faith in r/s. cos to me i noe tat soon one party will get bored wif another and den things woudlnt turn out tat well. but u reassured me tat things will nt turn out that way.. but i guess its not so easy. i dun blame u for it. i noe u haf alot of things in hand now. ur studies ur track. and a levels.but all i ask for is jus the same kinda of love u had for me last time.

jus like den. u rushed form sch to macdonals. cos u miss me so much and see me. u had came online and talk to me at shuyars place. cos u miss me? u had msg me the first thing in the morning cos u miss me the moment ur eyes swing wide.. u had come down town to find me right after u stay over at ur firneds place. cos u so miss me. didnt see me for onli one dae. though u were tired u still came down to meet me? i dunoe where all this little acts went to?i dunnoe i guess u had jus lost the feelings*tears*

two months later we were officially together.things were still so sweet as ever. dates and getting to do things we love doing.o levels ended. we stopped studyin together. started goin out.soon it was prom. he pick me up form work everyday. made the effort to get me little stuffs and little surprises.everything was so sweet. he spend days and nights sewing percious thots protrait for me.it was all so sweet.i thot this would last forever and ever.but at times inside i did tell him too tat soon he had get tired of me.but i was always reassured tat he wouldn;t

still rmb when sch started for u and not for me.when u send me off one of those days. u were sad? and i asked u why.u had said tat u will miss me. cos u cant get to see me anymore?for a few days.i was glad tat u were sad.cos imeant something.but at the same time my hurt aches too. cos i noe i had feel the same as well

months past.i guess this is when things gets worse.at first he was rather on time.or rather he will be the one waiting for me.but approachin four months or so he was late.i did show tat i was not happy.he promise to try to be on time.till today he is seldom on time or rather he had be when i m mad and he wants to meet me to make things up.

well tat leaves it.its not jus tat.previously each time i leave he will msg me shortly after but now not till i msg him?previously each morning he will msg me? now till he reach sch or sometimes till he finally feels like it? ok tat's not a big thing. its not abt wad time u msg me i guess. its abt the heart. its abt whether u actually miss me lke the way u do last time. if all this dun show up.each msg is has hardly any content as days past it jus gets more plain. dun tat jus show tat the love has fade away. each time msg is the same old stuffs? how are u? isn't tat like wad u called for msg for the sake of msgin? fine. if u tell me u have exams on.i dun request for msges all the time. but jus when u are free. when i come to ur mind? when u misses me?*tearsS* dun tat mean anythin?

can u tell me how many couples had not talk on the phone each nights? i hardly have the chance to talk to him..i dunno how to bring this msg across for him to call me and talk to me?i m always the one calling to talk to him?he hardly calls. yes he does and i can onli rmb those times when i was mad wif him.he had ring me on and on and on.

can someone tell me wad am i suppose to do?i m constantly givin in so much.each time it is onli empty promises. promises tat he wouldnt be late but yet he is still late. promises tat he will love me more den himself but i dun see it tat way. i hang in there. wating for a day he had treat me like the way he does last time it never comes

time after time he let me down.i am the one who wants to wake up in the morning to call him and wake him up for sch.i m the one tryin to ask him each time to study and perserver.i tired all my best to ask him not to give him time after time he gets injured yet all i get was" you wouldn't understand how it feels" yeah i dun understand anythin at all alright?i wanna wake up and get him breakfast he doesnt wants it. i plan a bdae for him in the hotel or chalet. he had refuse the idea of it till i was mad and he gave in. now he miss tat day so much. i had come to his house after tiring work jus to give him massage when he got injured.i gave in all i could think of.all within my controls. my extreme. i committed deeply fromt he start of this realtionship.last time i had jus buy things and give it to my ex.but i bother to make breakfast for him myself.bother to fold hearts and have sleepless nights jus to give him. clara noes this wil not happen last time if i m in a relationship. i bother to wake up early to see u. send u to sch even though i had to work later.

but all i ask was for u to love me like the way u do before we got together.those times.so happy so easy so wonderful.no fights..peace.all i ask for was constant love form u.not when u feel like it or not. not empty promises.i m tired.i m still waiting now.for ur nationals to end.tml is the first day.this is another thing u promised ( i guess i noe why before we started off u said u dun like making promises) that u had time for me. i m hangini on now.. i wish tat u had be in ur words.i m patiently wating.*tears*but right now after so many promises made and yet broken i have prepared myself for the worst.there is no point i guess hanging on and givin all i could and i cannot get the love given back den.if it takes for us to be jus friends to have tat love i rather we never meet. it had be a complicated situation as well. all i asked for was those days where u showed so much love.i feel so fortunate.so lucky.

perhaps its my fault.today after studyin in sch for five hours.and u ask me down to study again the first sentecnce u started off wif was"u always complain one"at that moment i really was lost in words.neither do i wish to say anythin and affect your race tml.i wish tat u will be first tml!i will do my usual prayers for u...there is jus so much to say right now.but i jus cant think of wad to say anymore.i miss those times.i really miss those days.

right now all i wish was a happy ending like all fairytales have.but i guess mine woudnt be so happy afterall.my heart aches veri much right now.where were those smiles and all.perhaps its me.i asked for to much.perhaps i haven done my best.i m not able to understand him well. or rather i m not those tat can maintain a good relationship well. i must say i really tried my best.there is sure many out there tat can understand him better and makes him happier.right now fights are so common.i believe last time he will never thot of whether his choice of me was wrong. but i think until todae.he sure had think of tat before.n is even tired of the countless time i got mad. bt i can;t help it either.all i ask for form a realtionship was being loved. but i m not.at first it felt this way.but right nw.its all different.

mayb i have changed.mayb he has.but nobody is at fault i guess.it jus dun work out.i m sure he is tired of me.getting mad and all.perhaps i should leave him alone.not bother him anymore.so that he could concentrate on his a's now. and his further track future.

i saw this coming right form the start.i knew abt honeymoon periods.i new how it will end.like all other relationship.but i m jus a gurl wisihin for a guy to love me and stay wif me in the honeymoon period forever and ever. i guess there is no such things.afterall.i m jus too sturbborn and go aganist wad is aspected.i guess i wouldnt believe ever if fairytales does exsist.

*DEAR GOD,

i pray for boonkeng to stay strong and pull through the competition.that he will never give up no matter wad.he will make it to the final point.And his hardwork will be paid off.he will acheive wad he wants to be. top the race and achieve all the medals he wants.i know he has worked really hard for this. he is give in everything he can for tml, friday and the on coming monday.

as for me i wish tat things will work out well.pls...

amen.