devastated

When the MSG came in, it was as if my whole world had fallen apart. My only hopes and light that gives me the direction to the aim was gone. Just like the candle that suddenly dies off. What I was left with was total darkness. I was so lost. I couldn’t pick myself pack. Not even till now. I was utterly speechless. Suddenly everything that happen or the way you reacted seems to link. Now I understand everything vividly.
You had known the reasons to everything. The reason that caused my last break. The reason to everything. And the reason was you. It was you, someone who I trusted so much who dispatched the information to him. I understand you whole good intention for me. But this moment, I can’t seem to explain my whole feeling. Am I mad? Or angry or anything of any sort. I would have chosen not to speak a word to you form that moment. But I must thank god that I have been able to hold back this ridiculous feelings of mind. This feeling of mine is more than devastation, more like mess up feeling. This week hasn’t been good. Or should I say since last week. First it started with the disputes, and then followed by the atrocious results and now more than anything else that had made me felt so lost. Was that you had already know everything. And I have no idea what you are thinking or decided to do. If you had chosen to run away form this, I got nothing to say; I choose a wrong one to fall for. I admit being a big fool.
In utter disappointment, I had chosen never to love again. Never ever. You left a big hole. You left the emptiness. You change my point of view about you. You make the wholesome change in me. I had chosen to walk away in despair.
In the shower I stand. The waters flowing I could feel my tears cleared together with the waters. No doubt I would be flowing just like how the waters flow form the showerhead. I cried buckets. Till there was no more left for you. But the pain was there. I couldn’t feel more hurt then ever. Over the actions of yours. Over the attitude u choose to give. Have I know u form the start. I doubt again. I told myself I shan’t drop a tear for you, but it was beyond my control, it just keeps on flowing. Devastated. Lost. Pain. Disappointments. None of this words fits just right to explain my feeling. I blast the music and the speakers. Refuses to go online. I had needed time alone. Decide to go off for a dance with my cousin. Tried to dance it all out. To no avail. Not even the gym and the pool helped. I m exhausted. I tired all ways. It jus can’t get out of me. Never felt like this in my life.

I wanted you right here with me but I have no choice you've gotta leave
Because my heart is breakin'
With every word I'm sayin'
I gave up
everything I had
On something that just wouldn't last
But I refuse to
cry
No tears will fall from these
Eyeee-eeee-eeees
Ooooh, ooooh
Get out